He Reminds Me

My friends talk about how a person shouldn’t need another person to be happy, and they’re absolutely right. I don’t need another person to be happy; I was happy. I found happiness in the solitude, in my friends and family, in writing, reading, rediscovering myself. I’m weird and quirky, easily excitable, and so so caring. I fell in love with myself for the first time.

Something has been missing though. Something intangible and immeasurable, like the whispering of wind through the trees.

For the longest time, I thought I had a hole in my heart that could never be filled; I thought there was something wrong with me. But, I think, maybe the best things happen when you aren’t seeking them out, when you just let life’s current sweep you away.

I am happy. I’m happy with the growth and progress I’ve made and with who I’ve become.

But I would be lying if I said he didn’t magnify the happiness I’ve found 100 fold. He reminds me that I am worthy of more than simple happiness. He reminds me of exhilarating euphoria. He reminds me that I deserve to be challenged and utterly amazed. He reminds me of galaxies and constellations.

He feels like a hot cup of coffee next to the fire on a cold winter morning. He makes me feel electrifyingly alive. He feels like a gentle breeze on a sultry summer evening. He makes me feel calm and safe in a world full of disastrous chaos. He feels like everything I’ve ever been missing.

He reminds me that it’s okay to put my trust into someone again: that just because I’ve been hurt in the past doesn’t mean that he’s going to do the same. He reminds me that I’m a priority; our relationship matters to him. He reminds me that opening up and vulnerability are strengths, and I can trust him with anything I’m going through. And he always, always reminds me that I am worthy of love.

I can’t promise to never be irrational or absurd; I’m not good at keeping my emotions in check (no matter how much I try to convince myself that I am). I can’t paint him original art pieces because I think in words and feelings, and I can’t sing him beautiful melodies as my range is never quite on key. I’m not good at poetry or ballads, creating or performing. Honestly, I’m not good at much, but I can guarantee I’ll be good to him.

Vibrate Love

In the world we live in, it is soo easy to drown in the bad and the stressful things going on around us. Sometimes, we need a lifeguard to dive in and rescue us, and then take a breath. Just breathe and take a moment to think about the positives in your life that you didn’t notice through your tunnel vision.

Between the busyness of my day-to-day life and my professional life, it has been easy to fall into a negative mindset. Something minor goes wrong like not getting a text back from someone? Wow, something must be wrong with me; I’m obviously not good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. Got stood up not once, but twice? Might as well just carve the whole muscle out of my chest.

But somehow, for some reason, I keep letting people into my heart only to end up being hurt. Over and over. Constantly. Continuously.

I’ve been ignored and forgotten about, but I’m the type of person who will forgive you despite your bogus excuses. Oh, you got your arm stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store? That’s fiiiiiine, no worries! Time and again: screw me over 19 times? *I* will apologize to *you* for not trying hard enough or for not wanting to bother you.

And no matter how irritated and sick of these games and the disappointments that I get, I refuse to let the world shred my hope. People will never make me callused and hard. This life we live needs more people who are open and kind. There is already too much bitterness and pain in existence, and we shouldn’t be contributing to the hate and anger. We should open ourselves up and be receptive to the positivity and sweetness that some are radiating.

This life is too short and our time here not guaranteed. So push through the hurt and the sorrow. For there has to be a light at the end of the dark, musty tunnel.

The “Happiest” Place on Earth

Let me first preface this post by explaining that I do not have fond memories from my first visit to Disneyland/California Adventure Park. The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I took a week-long trip to California with my dance company. Unfortunately, no one else from my actual class chose to go on this trip. I ended up having to room/spend the week with 3 girls that I barely knew and did not get along with. They were all friends with each other, so whatever they agreed upon doing/riding is what we ended up doing.

We spent all of the last 2 days of the trip at Disneyland/California Adventure Park. Following their every whim was exhausting, and I was miserable. So my feelings about Disneyland were relatively negative after this experience.

ANYWAY! Back in January, I took my second trip to Disneyland/California Adventure Park. This experience was much better than the original; however, by the end of the first day, I was already done and ready to go home. It’s not that the company was bad or the park wasn’t fun, but I just don’t think it’s worth the money, distance, time, and effort to deal with crowds, lines, wait times, and having to pay even more money.

I think we only rode an average of 6-8 rides per day the whole 2-and-a-half days we were there (there are over 60 rides and attractions at Disneyland and 34 at California Adventure Park!). Which means we rode, at most, 1/4 of the total rides in the parks.

I will say that they have excellent coffee, croissants, and soft pretzels though. The pretzels almost make up for everything else, almost. I read a quote by Paul Beatty a while ago that really resonated with me. He said, “If Disneyland was indeed the Happiest Place on Earth, you’d either keep it a secret or the price of admission would be free.”

I whole-heartedly agree with this quote because I know for a fact that the Happiest Place on Earth is at home, in my cozy apartment, cuddled up with my pup after a long day.