I don’t think people are ever really ready for change. You don’t expect it, and it’s impossible to predict how you’ll feel about it until it happens. Breakups are a prime example of this; even if you see it coming and think you’re ready to handle it, you can’t be.
I’ve been looking at quotes for a few days now, trying to find something to relate to how I’m feeling, but almost every quote I come across is either too negative or too bitchy. I’m not really feeling either of those things (at least not toward my ex, lol). If anything, I feel… lighter? Like, you know that joke that goes something like, “I lost 160 pounds this month! His name was *insert something basic, like Brian, here*.” That’s pretty much how I’m feeling, but on a spiritual level.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m also deeply sad and regretful. This was my best friend, the
person I told everything to, who I thought I might spend the rest of my life with for a while. For over 4 years, they were there. To reach things on high shelves, provide comfort from imaginary monsters after watching a scary movie, puting up with my awkwardness and perfectionism.
But the thing about this all is that we were pretty much just friends who were living together for a WHILE. The romance was gone, but the friendship was there, the companionship. I think we both knew it was coming to an end eventually, maybe even soon, but neither of us expected a betrayal of trust to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.
My ex was frustrated by a personal matter and decided to vent about it to a mutal friend. I was initially just upset that my ex had talked to someone, other than myself, about something that should’ve been worked out between just the two of us (because, honestly, it was all a big misunderstanding anyway). But then we discovered that our mutual friend had taken the knowledge of this private matter in our relationship and had been talking about them with other people (at least one other person) behind our backs.
we had our fair share of issues, some might even say more than our share, and I had a feeling something was up, but not only was I betrayed when my ex talked about our issues with someone else instead of trying to solve them with me, but we were both betrayed by this friend who was supposed to be a confidant to us both.
It probably was unintentional and they didn’t mean to ruin a 4.5 year long relationship, but it definitely stings and ruins the trust and respect that was once there.
Anyway, I’ve just been trying to focus on the positives of this whole situation rather than the more negative aspects: I figured out who a lot of my real, true friends are (only 4 friends actually reached out and messaged or called to see how I was taking everything); I can listen to shitty country music as loud as I want, to a point (sorry upstairs neighbor, lol); I no longer have to worry about waking someone up if I get out of bed before the sun; no more making sure they’re ready for work on time, only having to worry about myself; and, maybe best of all (as Luke Combs would say), “I ain’t gotta see my ex future mother-in-law anymore. Oh lord, when it rains, it pours.”
So now it’s just me and the pup, and I think I’m okay with that. I cried my body weight in tears the day of, took a personal day off from work the day after, and now I’m pretty much okay. Things are going to be different; they already are, but, ultimately, it has to be the best for everyone.
And it’s crazy how, lately now, it seems to come in waves.
What I thought was gonna be the death of me was my saving grace.